1. You know that feeling you get when you think about the future and you have no idea where you’ll be this time next year or what you’ll be doing? The feeling of anxiety and excitement? The feeling that big things are coming?

    Gotta love that feeling.

     

  2. On turning 23.

    This will be quite a ramble.

    Like most people, I tend to reflect on the year I’ve had when my birthday comes around. So I was thinking of my birthday last year, and everything that’s happened since. And generally I’m happy with where I am in life and the progress I’ve made. But this year is a little different.

    Last year for my birthday I sneaked out of the hostel because Ethan wanted me to. And there was a storm. And we were sitting in the balcony looking at lightning. At 12 there was a cake and flowers and cards and gifts. The next day I took about 5 or 6 of my closest friends to dinner. And a couple of days after that Ananya came down to Manipal bearing gifts and stories. I was happy back then. There were times I’m sure when I thought that I wasn’t, but when I look back now, those things seem so trivial and stupid to be unhappy about.

    Since then though, there are so many things that I can think of that I wish hadn’t happened. It’s mostly been an unhappy year, in quite a few aspects. I’m not comparing my petty unhappiness to what some people have gone through in the last year. I am still thankful for everything I have and I’m not taking anything for granted. But I miss the feeling of being completely content in your heart, with no worries and no sadness. Just happy and free. I really missed that last year.

    And if I could go back to being 21 I would, and I would be so grateful for all the little things.  I wish there weren’t so many regrets.

    Today I feel like I don’t really know who I am. I keep trying to find myself but feel like there are so many me’s in my head. Sometimes I feel like I’m not being true to myself, like I’m living a fake life. It’s hard to explain… If I go back home I think, I can be the Kriti I know again. But I didn’t feel like Kriti when I was in Delhi two months ago. And I don’t know which home I’m talking about. I don’t think it exists anymore. It’s mostly a memory.

    This year I know is going to be a big one. Everything will change, again. Next year this time I’ll be in a new place, surrounded by new people. And I think I will be happy. At least I really hope so. Finding that happiness is going to be a little hard. I hate change, it’ll take me a long time to settle down and accept it.

    I just want to get excited about it soon. Excited, motivated. This interim period I hope will be happier than last year. I do love this place and I love these people even if I’m not feeling it right now. I’m hoping the short while I’m still here, this love is mutual and happy.

    Happy 23rd birthday Kriti.

     

  3. Change

    Days like this I feel like I like change. When things have been the same for couple of days, I get frustrated. I need to go to a place I don’t know, I need to have new experiences on my own, meet new people. I get irritable if I haven’t traveled somewhere on my own. I feel…claustrophobic.

    But this wasn’t me. Or was it? Am I not the introvert who hates people? Hmm. Will have to rethink that.

     

  4. e. e. cummings, “it is so long since my heart has been with yours”

    it is so long since my heart has been with yours

    shut by our mingling arms through
    a darkness where new lights begin and
    increase,
    since your mind has walked into
    my kiss as a stranger
    into the streets and colours of a town—

    that i have perhaps forgotten
    how,always(from
    these hurrying crudities
    of blood and flesh)Love
    coins His most gradual gesture,

    and whittles life to eternity

    —after which our separating selves become museums
    filled with skilfully stuffed memories

     

  5. I take your song and make it mine.

    Whatever it meant to you is erased.

    It has my moods, memories.

    My feelings, my moments.

    My colors.

    My music.

     

  6. Faith & Patience